Card of the Week Contest #165: Make 'Em Laugh

Mon, 2017-04-24 09:04
Moderator Best Set of 2016
Daij_Djan's picture

Welcome to the Card of the Week Contest! To participate in this Contest you'll have to design a card along the contest guidelines and throw it into the arena with other competitors' entries! At the end of each week, a winner will be determined by forum poll. The winner's card will be rendered and featured on the Welcome page, and the winner decides the challenge for the next week's Contest!

Here we go, competitors: our hundred and sixty-fifth challenge!

The winner of the "Buddy System" poll was thehuw with...

And the challenge issued by our winner was...

thehuw wrote:
Magic is, in theory, quite a serious game, but it definitely doesn't shy away from the occasional bit of humor. When you think of jokes plus Magic, you tend to think of Un-sets - but that needn't be the case.

Make a black-bordered card that tells a joke. The joke can be anything from a groan-worthy pun to a snappy one-liner or just an amusing anecdote or situation, told through art, flavor, or even mechanics - but it also has to be on a card that could realistically see print in a Standard-legal set.

Good luck!

To increase your chances of winning and to also make creating the poll easier on whomever is doing so, please try to use a render.
Additionally, please try to keep your entry edits all in one post - if you need to change it you can put your old entry in a spoiler marked "Old entry" and leave the newest rendition to be seen. Just use the edit button in the bottom/right of your original post.

And now, time to begin the challenge!

Best of luck, competitors!

Wed, 2017-04-26 16:37
Kajarak32's picture

This is a pretty tough challenge. I may end up changing this entry, but here is my first attempt:

Edited: Per @Neottolemo's suggestion, I have added red to this cards suspend cost to better fit it in the color pie.


Mon, 2017-04-24 14:44
Moderator Best Set of 2016
Daij_Djan's picture

Curious to see how many goblin card we'll get Winking smiley

Anyway, here's my own attempt:

Mon, 2017-04-24 15:21
Aarhg's picture

I don't think anyone's gonna make a goblin card. It's too obvious.
Now, without futher ado, here is my goblin card. Stick out your tongue

Rigged // Blow Uncommon

Rigged Red mana symbol
Create a 1/1 red Goblin creature token.

Blow 3 mana symbolRed mana symbolRed mana symbol
Aftermath (Cast this spell only from your graveyard. Then exile it.)
As an additional cost to cast Blow, sacrifice a creature.
Blow deals 5 damage to target creature or player.

Mon, 2017-04-24 15:48
ZephyrPhantom's picture

Wait 2 mana symbolBlue mana symbol
Instant Uncommon
Return target creature or spell to its owner's hand.
////Embed (Then, you may exile this card embedded on target creature. When that creature deals combat damage to an opponent, you may cast a copy of this card's other side.)\\\\
It 1 mana symbolBlack mana symbol
Instant Uncommon
Target player discards a card.

Split/Fuse are "and", Aftermath is "to", Embed is "For".

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Wed, 2017-04-26 16:20
sdfkjgh's picture

Aarhg: VERY nice.

Am I doing it right

The Funniest Joke in the World White mana symbolBlack mana symbol
Instant Special
Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

Real entry (Is this better?):

Sorry about the EpilepsyLoL thing

Nut Shot Phyrexian Black ManaRed mana symbol
Inst Rare
Nut Shot deals 3 damage to target creature or planeswalker. Tap that permanent. It doesn’t untap during its controller’s next untap step, and its activated abilities can’t be activated until it’s untapped. If you control a Squirrel, exile that permanent instead.

Nut Shot Phyrexian Blue ManaBlack mana symbolRed mana symbol
Inst Rare
Nut Shot deals 4 damage to target creature or planeswalker. Tap that permanent. It doesn’t untap during its controller’s next untap step, and its activated abilities can’t be activated until it’s untapped. If you control a Squirrel, exile that permanent instead.

Thanks to ZephyrPhantom, thehuw, & fluffyDeathbringer for their critiques, and again, sorry for not warning people about the flashies.

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Mon, 2017-04-24 17:20
Gorgonzola's picture

@sdfkjgh: No, it must be a card that could be legal.

I just dont understand why people pay thousands for a piece of cardboard.
Why just don't play some casual? Gee, it isn't even fun to play with, and especially against.

Mon, 2017-04-24 17:30
sdfkjgh's picture

@cheeseboy: Dang, u caught me mid-edit! Oh well, just look again.

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Mon, 2017-04-24 18:44

I just turned around the flavour of Summon the School (thanks Daij_Djan A happy smile).

*updated* Thanks MadLuckKingg for the suggestions. I made it a bit different.

Mon, 2017-04-24 17:58
Moderator Best Set of 2016
Daij_Djan's picture

@one1eye1: [card]CARDNAME[/card]

Mon, 2017-04-24 18:23
MadLuckKingg's picture

@one1eye1 Your equipment should have the equip ability.

Instead of "Tap it, if it has converted mana cost 3 or less" it should read, "If that creature's converted mana cost is 3 or less, tap it.

Instead of "...on your side, ..." it should read, " ...under you control, ..."

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Tue, 2017-04-25 23:58

Is memeing good for this? Eh, what the hell, can't hurt.

Woops! Sorry about that. Fixed.
Also, I made it a little more balanced because it be a little op anyway.

Card Text
Ghostly Night Mouse 1 mana symbolGreen mana symbol
Creature — Mouse Werewolf Uncommon

Whenever Ghostly Night Mouse attacks, you may discard a card. If you do, transform Ghostly Night Mouse.
The mouse’s ghostly howl stakes claim to...
Wolf in Mouse Clothing
At the beginning of your end step, transform Wolf in Mouse Clothing.

I don't know why, but this is my favorite of the memes. For those that don't get it, just watch this:

All hail the Bird-Tribal Army!

Mon, 2017-04-24 19:06
thehuw's picture

@ganzzert: Meme quality aside, it attacks as a 5/5 with upside for one mana.

Sat, 2017-04-29 12:19
Mahx Michael
Mahx Michael's picture

To bad this would most likely be silver bordered:


Here's a probably more valid entry:

Entry wrote:
Lavinia’s Message White/blue mana symbol
Sorcery Rare
Put target Jace planeswalker on the bottom of its owner’s library.
Overload 2 mana symbolBlue mana symbolBlue mana symbol
Cycling 1 mana symbol (1 mana symbol, Discard this card: Draw a card.)

Messanger: “Guildpact! Where have you been? Lavinia orders you to return to Ravnica at once!”
Jace: “Seriously, Lavinia! What are you, my mother!?”

Change Log
  • Added Cycling 1 mana symbol

I was reading the lore for the Kaladesh block when I realized how much Jace must hate his new job as the Guildpact Laugh Out Loud

I would love to see a render for that one! Thumbs up

Mon, 2017-04-24 20:35
Aarhg's picture

@Mahx Michael: I like the situation your card portrays, but it's a really narrow spell. Most of the time it does nothing. Maybe you could give it cycling or something, so you can always pitch it for another card if there is no Jace to target.

Wed, 2017-04-26 05:59

Solitude at Once 1 mana symbolGreen mana symbol
Instant Uncommon
Counter target spell. Cast this spell only during your turn.
Repeater 2 mana symbolGreen mana symbolGreen mana symbol (Whenever you could cast a sorcery, you may pay 2 mana symbolGreen mana symbolGreen mana symbol and exile it with three data counters on on it. While exiled, you may remove a data counter to cast a copy of this card.)
Maybe you should learn to stop interrupting when others are working.

Intolerate Red mana symbol
Instant Special
Counter target spell if no mana was spent to cast it.
Repeater Red mana symbolRed mana symbol (Whenever you could cast a sorcery, you may pay Red mana symbolRed mana symbol and exile it with three data counters on on it. While exiled, you may remove a data counter to cast a copy of this card.)
Stop cheating you bastard!

Tue, 2017-04-25 02:14

This is as close to silver-bordered as I can get while remaining within the rules

If you end up with less than the number of cards you need, there are always basic lands.

Tue, 2017-04-25 03:14
Asthanius's picture

I've always loved this card, and I'm really proud of the flavor.

Tue, 2017-04-25 03:28
Ziolang's picture

@Aargh: Should I even bother entering this contest now?

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Tue, 2017-04-25 12:05
ZephyrPhantom's picture

Added render:


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Tue, 2017-04-25 15:51
sdfkjgh's picture

@fluffy: Ok, here goes. I apologize in advance for putting you in a situation which has the potential to cast you in the role of 5lacker.

What happens when you're kicked in the nuts (deal 3 damage)? You double over in pain (tap), completely unable to do anything until the pain goes away (activated abilities can't be activated until it untaps). The exiling if you control a Squirrel is an additional joke that riffs on the dual meaning of "nut/s".

Sometimes, slight bends or fractures in the color pie can be acceptable if they're in the service of obvious flavor. Red shouldn't get "Creatures without flying can't attack you.", but here, it works, as you've been turned into a freakin' flying Dragon. The 2nd ability has the potential to be lifegain, which red doesn't do, but again, you've been turned into a freakin' Dragon, mimicking the fact that nonlethal damage is removed from creatures at the end of each turn.

Nut Shot seems like such an acceptable color pie fracture in service to its obvious flavor. Plus, the Phyrexian Black Mana & rhyme is a reference to Gut Shot. The colors are exactly as they are because those are the colors one would most associate with slapstick comedy: Red for humor/emotion, Black for the schadenfreude of watching someone else get hurt. Slapstick is one of the least cerebral humors out there, and nut shots are the least cerebral, most visceral expressions of slapstick. Therefore, it can't be Blue mana symbol. White mana symbol too is out, as to White, schadenfreude would be abhorrent, or at least anathema (but White would probably still laugh at it despite itself; go ahead and read this without laughing, I dare you!).
(Pretty sure deliberate seizure-inducing images qualify as "obscene" and thus violate rule 7. Link's been removed. - Zephyr)

In closing, I am confident that Nut Shot constitutes an acceptable about of color pie bend in service of flavor, and that a nut shot is the official nonverbal joke of the Cult of Rakdos. What's the official verbal joke of the Cult of Rakdos? You go up to someone and ask them, "What are the last words you'll ever say?", then, whatever their answer, you stab them in the jugular! At the RTR prerelese, I killed with that one (simulated stabbings only), and got the quite memorable response of "Hopefully not these words!"

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Tue, 2017-04-25 15:53
Community Award
Yoshi's picture

Burly Bartender 2 mana symbolGreen mana symbolGreen mana symbol
Creature - Troll Rare
2 mana symbolGreen mana symbol, Exile a land or Plant from your graveyard: Put a +1/+1 counter on CARDNAME. You gain 1 life.
Whenever you gain life, CARDNAME fights target creature you don't control.
"Did you want some... fruit punch?"

December 2017 - R32 - "We are more than just rank and file..."
February 2018 - DDH - "Remember that overconfidence is a slow and insidious killer."

I stand with the specimen.

Tue, 2017-04-25 15:59
ZephyrPhantom's picture

@sdj - While that is a noble argument to make it's also pretty much entirely debunked by the fact that Form of the Dragon hasn't been reprinted since 9th edition and most flying manipulation from then on is usually White/blue mana symbol(or mass attack denial like Archangel of Tithes is White mana symbol). "Flavor vs. mechanics" IMHO is always a matter of how much you're balancing both, and Form of the Dragon and Nut Shot sail wayyy too hard into the flavor zone for modern MtG standards.

Also, I'd like to point out you're conflating Nut Shot burning (making it Red mana symbol) with the idea that it should be able to tap ("This burn spell represents an action that should result in a tap, so Red mana symbol must get this tapping effect"). You're taking a valid base argument and extrapolating it to make an invalid conclusion.

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Tue, 2017-04-25 16:05
SilverSoul.SB's picture

Where can i find the Aftermath Template?

Tue, 2017-04-25 16:07
ZephyrPhantom's picture

Here. (Credit to Cajun)

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Tue, 2017-04-25 16:34
thehuw's picture

@sdfkjgh: I appreciate your effort to explain the joke, but the problem is that this card still wouldn't have a hope in hell of being printed in black-border. The Phyrexian mana symbol juxtaposed with the regular one, the double pie break, the overt reference to getting kicked in the balls...

Also, I get that people have different senses of humor, but linking to a web page purposefully designed to trigger epileptic seizures is one of the most aggressively unfunny things you could possibly have done here.

Tue, 2017-04-25 17:46
Neottolemo's picture

Alright, here's my entry!


Tue, 2017-04-25 17:48
ZephyrPhantom's picture

@huw - In defense of the concept, we had an un-card whose effect was literally "You must blow on your deck" with a Kicker cost to make target player do that instead in a previous CoTW, and that was okayed, and mainline Un-sets certainly have a lot of fun with the double meaning of "ass" (butt) and "ass"(donkey). I see what he's going for if we disregard the color pie breaks.

@sdj - That being said I'm pretty sure epileptic images (once that were deliberately used to induce seizures no less) qualify as obscene (ref. Rule 7) and I think it's in our best interests to not have people clicking that link, 'by accident' or not. It's been removed; please be more considerate in the future.

@ Neo - I'd like to see that mechanic on the bottom get a name, if possible. Otherwise it's a pretty cute idea, I like it.

@ Zio - Well, someone needs to do a joke about twenty planeswalkers... Winking smiley

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Tue, 2017-04-25 18:02
thehuw's picture

@Zephyr: Innuendo's fine in Un-world, I reckon, but the challenge does specify black-border.

Tue, 2017-04-25 18:30
Neottolemo's picture

@Zephyr: Thanks! I had designed my card some time ago, but I must admit that only thought about it again after I saw your card I didn't bother naming the mechanic on bottom because I didn't think there were that many constructions that use 'X for Y' in the English language. If I had to name it, I'd probably use Exchange or something similar, so, I might change that later A happy smile

@fluffyDeathbringer: Strictly better than Tread Upon but I think that it's not overly pushed and that it's a good card. Sylvan Might is also strictly better than Tread Upon, so, there's that! If you're worried about Breakthrough you could change the name to Investigative Breakthrough or to Research Breakthrough.

@Kajarak32: This feels like it'd be partly Red mana symbol (Ignorant Bliss).

@Daij_Djan: Yeah, this card seems fine.

@Aargh: I don't think I get the name, but this seems balanced.

@Zephyr: Interesting. I like it! Big smile

@sdfkjgh: Others have given you enough feedback on this already, I think.

@one1eye1: Tribal has been discontinued. Creatures untap during the untap step, not at the beginning of your upkeep. Merfolk needs to be capitalised. I suggest you cut the FT for space reasons. Finally, this doesn't really feel Common.

@ganzzert: thehuw's right that this card's transformed side is too powerful. The front side is questionable too IMO because it's a strictly better Young Wolf. This doesn't feel that Common and the FT is kind of a non sequitur but maybe that last part is intended.

@Mahx: Overload doesn't really fit on this. I suggest replacing it with cycling instead, and maybe broadening the effect so it could hit any planeswalker. This is pretty funny, though.

@Kagerows: Weird name. Repeater is also a weird keyword. I'm not sure what rarity this is supposed to be (maybe you read the challenge wrong?) and this effect has historically been Blue mana symbol; if I were to bend it to another colour I'd prefer White mana symbol or Green mana symbol as those colours, especially White mana symbol, tend to encourage fair play. This is better than Nix and in the wrong colours.

@spazlaz: I'm not sure how fun it'd be to play this, but it's a novel concept, so there's that. Also, that art is perfect.

@Asthanius: I don't think I get the joke, but this card seems fair.

@Yoshi: Heh heh, punch. This seems a bit pushed, but I really like the idea!

Tue, 2017-04-25 18:36
Aarhg's picture

@Neottolemo: If something is "rigged to blow", it just means that it ready to explode at any time. In this case, it's a goblin with a barrel of explosives on his back.

Wed, 2017-04-26 00:03

@neottolemo: I get what you mean, I fixed it to where it's easy to kill, and doesn't have undying. Also, the flavor text is directly in reference to the original video this card is based on:

All hail the Bird-Tribal Army!

Wed, 2017-04-26 03:06
Ziolang's picture

I wasn't really sure what to do for this one so... whatever here you go. An edited return of a reeeaaaally old CotW entry of mine.

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Wed, 2017-04-26 03:25
ZephyrPhantom's picture

@ Ziolang - Needs more Revolver Ocelot. Stick out your tongue

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Wed, 2017-04-26 05:02
Asthanius's picture

@Neottolemo: Well, a fever dream is literally a horrifying (or at least confusing) dream caused by a fever, and the flavor text is basically saying "nah, don't worry about it. You're just imagining things" in spite of the obvious head-fire. It's literally all in your head.

Wed, 2017-04-26 05:56

@Neottolemo: Intended rarity is rare, with different flavour text, “Put some actual effort into it, will you?”, with flavour text switched to fit the challenge better, but shifted rarity into special since it isn't actual flavour text.
I didn't actually knew that Nix was being played in modern, so costs will be changed - For colour change, I'm currently slightly hesistant. Thanks for pointing out name though, it has been changed into 'Denial Policy'.

I will change the entry to green one in that cycle instead.

Wed, 2017-04-26 15:58
aquaumisa's picture

Feelin lucky punk?

Jace of Spades 3 mana symbolBlue mana symbolRed mana symbol
Planeswalker-Jace Mythic Rare
+1 Loyalty: Draw two cards, then discard a card.
-3 Loyalty:Target player puts a nonland permanet he or she controls chosen at random on top of his or her library.
-7 Loyalty:Exile the top three cards of target player's library. You may create two tokens of a creature that is exiled this way, except the tokens are blue Illusions in addition to its other colors and types.
5 mana symbol

(I'm sorry.)

Step: zero to one

Blue/black mana symbol <3 Blue/black mana symbol

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Wed, 2017-04-26 07:59
SonictheBrushwagg's picture

huge render

Dance of Cranes 2 mana symbolBlue mana symbol
Enchantment Uncommon
Whenever a creature with flying enters the battlefield under your control, draw a card.
Which bird lifts the most?

"Victory Over Tragedy"
gotta go haste
Red mana symbolBlack mana symbolBlue mana symbol

Wed, 2017-04-26 13:02
Mahx Michael
Mahx Michael's picture

Thanks for feedback! I added cycling 1 mana symbol, is that cost sufficient or to cheap?

Ist that smiley in your render intentional?

Updated my entry, render will probably come soon.
What do you guys thik of the way i have displayed the dialogue in flavor text. Is it a good way or should I put the names like Jace —, or — Jace in the end, like they usually does when quoting in Magic? Or maybe I should just put the quotes there and have the reader find out wich ones says what (It's quite obvous anyways...)?

Wed, 2017-04-26 13:58
ZephyrPhantom's picture

@ SonictheBrushwagg - I had to crane my neck to see the entire image. Stick out your tongue

@ aquaumisa - That is surprisingly clever. Might want to put a space in between the : and the D on the +1 though.

@ mahx - Tbh, if this was a format where Mindsculptor still ran rampant, I think it would be a lot funnier. As is I can't help but think about how to make it "Gideon" instead. The joke is certainly well told, though.

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Thu, 2017-04-27 08:15

Health and Safety 1 mana symbolGreen mana symbolBlack mana symbol
Enchantment Rare

Whenever an Elf Creature enters the battlefield, gsin 1 life.

Elf creatures you control gain Regenerate X mana symbol, where X is equal to it's power.

Nuttin betta when fightin in t'war, then t'have a bit o' 'ealth n safety

@Aargh Very nicely pun. A happy smile

Wed, 2017-04-26 16:39
Kajarak32's picture

@Neottolemo: May I suggest making both halves of this card instant? I don't believe it would be too much power creep to do just that. Reason being mainly for the "Tat" part of the card. Adding Hexproof is always better at instant speed. (Especially if it only lasts for one turn.) Of course, this is all just IMO.

@Neottolemo: Also, thank you for the suggestion on my card. Red has been added to the card's suspend cost.


Wed, 2017-04-26 18:06
Aarhg's picture

@Nhoj2307: Oh, my god, look at that elf. He clearly doesn't care about his personal health.

Wed, 2017-04-26 18:24
Mahx Michael
Mahx Michael's picture

Well, the thing is he misses those days of freedom a lot. The days where there where no Lavinia around to nag him with more paperwork...
He seriously had to sit out Kaladesh because of paperwork!!

Thu, 2017-04-27 00:11
Asthanius's picture

@Mahx: Um, Jace was in Kaladesh.

Thu, 2017-04-27 00:13
Cajun's picture

He didn't start there, but he showed up pretty quick. Dramatic Reversal

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Sat, 2017-04-29 13:49
Mahx Michael
Mahx Michael's picture

True, but what I was trying to comunicate was that he would have been there already if his work on Ravnica hadn't held him back. He was held back from leaving right away, that was the point I was trying to make...

EDIT: To be honest, I have not come that far in the story yet. I'm a really slow reader and have had my hands full a lot lately, so I'm only at chapter three or four yet...

Sun, 2017-04-30 15:30
Gurfle's picture

Proven Wrong 1 mana symbolBlue mana symbol
Instant Common
Target spell's controller names a card. Reveal your hand. If the named card isn't in your hand, counter target spell.
"I told you so."

Edit: apostrophes, blah

I believe this qualifies. Render to come.
Honestly, I don't know if I should cost this as is or at 1 mana symbolBlue mana symbol. Half the time it doesn't do much, the other half it's better counterspell. Not sure if the guess and check counts as a drawback.

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Fri, 2017-04-28 04:35
Wapulatus's picture

Haven't posted here in a while, so I'll post this:

Rakdos-Cult Jester

Fri, 2017-04-28 18:47
sdfkjgh's picture

@Gurfle: names, not name's.

@Wapulatus: welcome back. That hyphen is really bothering me. Either move it in between Cult and Jester, or lose it altogether.

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Fri, 2017-04-28 20:01
Featured Set Editor - Best Set of 2015 - Community Award
jacqui-pup's picture

Privileged Wight 1 mana symbolBlack mana symbol
Creature - Zombie Rare
White creatures you control get +1/+1.
Embalm 2 mana symbolWhite mana symbolWhite mana symbol

Idk if this is really "funny"

[center]"It's exciting to create something that demonstrates how clever you are, that you pushed in a direction that players didn't anticipate. The problem is that the point of game design isn't to be clever, it's to create a great game." --Mark Rosewater