Kaleidoscope

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Fri, 2017-04-21 08:44
fluffyDeathbringer
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A few weeks back, I had an idea inspired by marioware2's Pyrulea project: I wanted to try a thing where I get a set skeleton from someone else telling me what kind of cards to make, then make the cards and fill in the flavour myself. I wanted to test my own capacities in working on a larger project more independently, stymied by my inability to do much on my own. HerziQuerzi was kind enough to discuss this project with me and eventually gave me a 100-card skeleton with mechanics, CMCs etc. largely plotted out based on basic concepts I already had in mind. The cards themselves, the flavour, the art - that was my part.

Now, after all this time (with some anxiety) I present to you...

Kaleidoscope
A fluffyDeathbringer/HerziQuerzi collaboration with assistance from the unofficial MSE Skype chat
Set symbol by thehuw

A few things before you take a look:

- I intended this collection of cards to be an experiment on individual mechanical card design. As such, Kaleidoscope is not intended as a Limited-friendly thing.
- Kaleidoscope is meant to be flavourfully divided into five segments like ThisIsSakon's The Lost Tales; please read the whole thing carefully, as I intended the settings and stories to be expressed solely through card flavour. If it comes off overbearing or overexpository, do say so; I intended to strike a balance of explaining what's going on and leaving things for the reader to form their own conclusion on.
- What is contained in the file isn't meant to be everything about the new worlds that pop up, and I intended to leave things somewhat open so they can be expanded on later.
- All new mechanics within Kaleidoscope were made by HerziQuerzi except for Mirage, which comes from Daij_Djan's Pyramids of Atuum.
- Please don't hesitate to give critique on anything within.

What to expect:

- Tribal, but not how you think
- A card with the text "Destroy target Clue."
- An old face making a set appearance for the first time in years
- Puns

AttachmentSize
Kaleidoscope.mse-set1.7 MB
Kaleidoscope 1.2..mse-set1.7 MB
Kaleidoscope 1.3.mse-set1.7 MB

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I like proofreading and editing, so if you want your set text's language, formatting and syntax touched up, I'm available.

Fri, 2017-04-21 11:33
Nazsmith
Nazsmith's picture

I actually really like the general design of a lot of these cards, although, being able to constantly Ascend the same creature over and over again seems a bit much, but I digress. I don't know much else to say though, since other then that, I don't know if I'm the person to critique others work, that is, considering my resume:

Resume

Yea, I have no sets complete actually...

My favorite card is Stay determined btw. I'm also curious if you plan to try and get this set passed for MSEM play.

I play Katawa Shoujo. And I use the Chatroom for MSE, so check up on me!

Fri, 2017-04-21 11:47
fluffyDeathbringer
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I'd like this to get to Lackey, not gonna lie. Let's see how that goes.

My hub.

I like proofreading and editing, so if you want your set text's language, formatting and syntax touched up, I'm available.

Fri, 2017-04-21 14:11
Cajun
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have to get going now, but here are first thoughts mechanically:

not card related- All your reminder text is typed out instead of being auto/keyworded. Mostly this is weird when you have the keyword already, so Investigate has reminder texts twice on mine.

Cards:
Punan Trailblazer is a bit weak given it costs 2 mana symbolBlue mana symbolGreen mana symbolGreen mana symbol all told.
Precursors’ Disdain isn't really in blue anymore, but otherwise awesome.
Weathered Pilgrim - another lowpower ascension
Flood of Information seems really efficient for the cost
Fleeting Memory is one of the best clones I've seen
Remy, Last of Evanescier - This is wordy 'protection from nontoken' or 'protection from Forecast and Geistblast' depending on which card you're referring to.

Dead of Night - very cool Plague Wind variant
Callous Ritualist - Now that's what I'd expect from Ascension.
Saljan, Lord of the Disfigured loses indestructible if he stops being a Mutant. Part of why those cards are templated like that.

Leyline Tracer//Wanderer of Oblivion - This is the card that wants a regular transform. Wanderer won't remember any of the cards Tracer exiled, but most people would expect it to.

Break Through - This is awesome, my only concern is Breakthrough.

Doctored Trail - 'Destroy target Clue' is odd, either you can sac it to pay the 2 mana symbol for your own Clue or catch your opponent on low mana. Works, is just odd.

Mechanics:
Kindle is awesome, and looks good on pretty much every card it shows up one.
Paranoia is giving flash/ignoring timing restrictions presumably? There are a few costs that may want tweaked, but otherwise looks good.
Ascend drops any auras/equipment it was holding but that can go either way. Most of your Ascend cards feel pretty underpowered though, since you are paying for the ascendant twice, even if it is in installments. Horizon Gazer and Danawan Wanderer basically have Monstrosity 0 and 1 with a small monstrous upside.

Cajun's Explorations
M15 Mainframe - Coming Soon
Coming attractions: Daisite Outlaws, Relidon Redux, Chronicles of Kamigawa?
Brace yourself, finals incoming

Fri, 2017-04-21 14:33
fluffyDeathbringer
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- Yeah, I was kind of lost when balancing for Ascend, lol. I had no idea of what a proper balancing rubric for that would be.
- Paranoia's like Madness and it ignores restrictions, at least I think that's how it's supposed to be. Which costs should be tweaked?
- Saljan was a case of me settling on a good FT and not wanting to sacrifice that while still wanting to retain the effect. And honestly, changing creature types is such an edge case that I'm fine with it as-is.
- Doctored Trail was meant to be an odder design, so again, fine with this Big smile

My hub.

I like proofreading and editing, so if you want your set text's language, formatting and syntax touched up, I'm available.

Fri, 2017-04-21 16:15
HerziQuerzi
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Quote:
being able to constantly Ascend the same creature over and over again seems a bit much

I'm not sure what this means. You activate Ascend, the creature is exiled, it comes back transformed, and that's it.

Phasing
This phases in or out before you untap during each of your untap steps. While it's phased out, it's treated as though it doesn't exist.
Set Hub

Fri, 2017-04-21 16:57
MadLuckKingg
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When I first saw ascend I for some reason assumed you used the Ascend ability from the graveyard, he/she probably misread it as well.

Profile picture are by inkyDemon via DeviantArt.

My Set Hub - http://magicseteditor.sourceforge.net/node/12668

Fri, 2017-04-21 19:26
Cajun
Cajun's picture

Chronic Traitor is the main offender. When a creature leaves you can sac a creature to get a 2 mana discount on losing a third creature. The other point was going to be Thomar but that's cause I missed he hit everyone. Otherwise it's stuff that might get away with costing 1 mana symbol less, like Gnuge-District Hoarder, have to see how paranoia plays first tho.

Storytime: The suspect flavor texts are Punan Trailblazer's string, which seems more like a cycle flavor than a one-shot, and Revenge of the Disfigured "Writing on the wall". Otherwise, issue isn't overexposition but under. 1by1

Ravnica Investigation: This is the clearest one and works well, but it looks off at the end? It looks like Anguished Unmaking + Stay Determined is making the Disfigured too dead for indestructible to handle, but then Sanctuary for the Forsaken comes along and they're fine. Do at least some survive and Saljan is supposed to be the ending? Iunno.

Samang Ascension: This is more a world with 8 mini-stories in the Ascend cards. Other than the pilgrimage there's nothing really tying these together. The changes of the pilgrimage work well they're just disconnected.

Elama Kindling: Kindle is awesome, but Elama is just there. There's a bunch of Elementals, it's probably because of the Midwife, and Soini doesn't like it. That seems to be all that's there.

Evanescier Mirages: Now this one's interesting. I'd like to see this one expanded but I don't know how'd you'd go about it unless the precursors can do something or the Skull is still real. This has the opposite problem as Samang in that the story is really unified since it all ties to Remy, but the world is really underdeveloped because of it.

Weltall(?) Paranoia: This one treads a balance between the two and is the second best for it. The Great Fear not only gives us the background but does well at outlining the world its in too. Still falls to Ravnica though, because while we have Thomar as the probably-his-fault guy, there's not a plot there yet, just a whole lotta paranoid districts.

Cajun's Explorations
M15 Mainframe - Coming Soon
Coming attractions: Daisite Outlaws, Relidon Redux, Chronicles of Kamigawa?
Brace yourself, finals incoming

Sat, 2017-04-22 07:16
fluffyDeathbringer
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- Plotlessness: This is by design. I only intended the Ravnica section to be an actual narrative; for the rest, I focused more on describing setting with incidental mosaic shards of narrative, in a way that a solider narrative can possibly be built on later. Maybe that makes the end result feel inconsistent, and you're free to consider that a failing of the whole thing, but that was an intentional part of my thought process when making this. I wanted to paint a picture, not write a comic. Also, I couldn't (be arsed to) come up with five entire stories. Big smile
- Elama: Yeah, I'll admit I might've made what was going on a little unclear. My original idea was that Elama was a plane whose mana was affected by a mysterious Event decades prior, which caused everything in it (objects, magic etc.) to become alive. Later, I took off the Event angle because it was too similar to what I was doing with Weltall (an "ordinary" plane affected by a dramatic occurrence), and then it was just "a place where everything's alive". I didn't even think of the Midwife causing it, but that actually makes sense, lol.
- Evanescier being undeveloped as a world: ...yeah, I'll grant you that. ^^; The image I had in my head was that it was kind of a utopian pastoral generally peaceful small village thing, but also really conservative and stifling culturally, which would frustrate Remy enough to just want it all to go away. Didn't come across all that well, I admit.
- Weltall: Same, the world itself didn't come across as well as what was happening in it, I think. I tried to get this across in art choices, but Weltall was meant to be a more low-magic dieselpunk city-plane kind of like Ravnica.
- Ravnica: Stay Determined was meant to be a representation of Rheila getting attacked by the vengeful Disfigured at some point, but refusing to let himself die. I'll admit that's is a bit ambiguous on that front (couldn't settle on an FT I liked that would exposit more clearly), but that card was a nightmare to find art for, and I do like the end result. Anguished Unmaking + Sanctuary for the Forsaken was meant to be "some of the Disfigured were taken in and rescued, but some who were too far gone or wouldn't let go of their revenge were killed". I failed to get that across, I'll admit. Saljan isn't supposed to be the ending, he's actually meant to be more in the beginning parts of the conveyed narrative, if I had to assign a part. He's the one who rouses all of the mutants into rising up and striking back en masse, thus leading to the string of murders that Rheila and Ravnica at large are investigating.

Oh, and one more thing. Weltall and Evanescier are both actually linked to thehuw's Magnificent Isles worldbuilding; they're both Isles, fragments of dead worlds that have been linked in a network with other fragments. This doesn't really play into anything (well, it kind of does into Evanescier), but it's there.

My hub.

I like proofreading and editing, so if you want your set text's language, formatting and syntax touched up, I'm available.

Sat, 2017-04-22 15:26
Cajun
Cajun's picture

If that's what you were going for it worked well, considering you were working with 20ish cards each. The apparent imbalance comes from Ravnica being established and with it having the main story the 4-1 effect makes it weird when its the only one. Other than Kindle eating up most of Elama's flavor space, most of it's linked to expectation, especially after that one.

-Ravnica:

Quote:
Saljan isn't supposed to be the ending, he's actually meant to be more in the beginning parts of the conveyed narrative, if I had to assign a part. He's the one who rouses all of the mutants into rising up and striking back en masse, thus leading to the string of murders that Rheila and Ravnica at large are investigating.
That's what I thought at first but with the sanctuary turn I wasn't sure if the justice was for the making or the partial unmaking.

Quote:
Stay Determined was meant to be a representation of Rheila getting attacked
Ohhh. I had read it as happening alongside unmaking, with that being 'what his hands had wrought' and not just the mutants. Anguish wasn't just life loss but going slightly mad via mill. While I don't really know how to refine that one besides trying to make it more clearly the mutants, Sanctuary can be largely cleared up by calling the the 'remaining Disfigured' or peaceful or similar. Tho Unmaking does specify 'the rest' so might be on me again.

Quote:
Weltall and Evanescier are both actually linked to thehuw's Magnificent Isles worldbuilding
So hope for Evanscier and more fear for Weltall then? Big smile

Cajun's Explorations
M15 Mainframe - Coming Soon
Coming attractions: Daisite Outlaws, Relidon Redux, Chronicles of Kamigawa?
Brace yourself, finals incoming

Sun, 2017-04-23 09:18
fluffyDeathbringer
Moderator
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Yeah, Thomar (the red legendary) is actually from another Isle and infected Weltall with the fear plague out of worship for an elder god. (Hence, the Cleric typing.) This was mainly just discussed between me and thehuw, but it's canon.

I'll definitely consider revising the Ravnica FTs to make things clearer (I think part of the issue is the disordered nature of the narrative as it's spread out across all colour combos), but I'm really glad you liked that section even in this state! I was anxious about that one since it was a more solid narrative (featuring one of my main planeswalker characters, to boot, which added to the anxiety), but it seems to have gone over well. And now for three more comments from people telling me they hated it, lmao.

EDIT: Thanks to everyone who's commented thus far, I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to make a second version that revises cost issues and flavour problems. But before I get started on Kaleidoscope 2.0, I think I need more critique and feedback, from more than two people, for data's sake. (Not to denigrate NazSmith and Cajun's commentary so far, of course.) What cards are overpowered, what cards are underpowered? What costs should be fiddled with? What did you like/dislike about the card flavour, was it divided clearly in five sections, were there things that were unclear or not explained well enough? Anything else I should be aware of? I want to learn more with this experiment.

My hub.

I like proofreading and editing, so if you want your set text's language, formatting and syntax touched up, I'm available.

Mon, 2017-04-24 16:47
fluffyDeathbringer
Moderator
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Kaleidoscope 1.2. is now here! Cards marked with "changed" have been revised.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/cpdyb9lh3762waz/Kaleidoscope%201.2..mse-set?dl=0

My hub.

I like proofreading and editing, so if you want your set text's language, formatting and syntax touched up, I'm available.

Tue, 2017-04-25 17:15
fluffyDeathbringer
Moderator
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Some more revisions. Changed cards marked with "changed2".

https://www.dropbox.com/s/9v0b3aszc68it38/Kaleidoscope%201.3.mse-set?dl=0

My hub.

I like proofreading and editing, so if you want your set text's language, formatting and syntax touched up, I'm available.

Wed, 2017-04-26 22:05
ZephyrPhantom
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Favorite card overall is Helix Entity. Feels like a nice blend of White mana symbol into the typical ball lightning stuffmmm

Mirage seems to have been fairly decently expanded on in terms of being a combat trick.

Ascend is more klunky transform in a vacuum but as a Revolt enabler and an ETB enabler it seems alright. I like how it and Investigate inherently goes into Paranoia.

Solar Wisp is a simple but cool flicker target. Surprised it hasn't been designed yet.

Favorite legend is Remy.

Dead of Night really feels like it should be X mana symbolBlack mana symbol for the Kindle cost.\

Boneforged Arms is really clever.

Overall I guess it's a pretty good miniset and that you've balanced it out fairly well.


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